Sunday, July 5, 2009

Oww

Now I don't ever get hangovers. Never had one, never will. I like to think that with my 84kg more muscular than average build, it just takes an incredible amount of alcohol to get me anywhere near having pains the next morning. But I doubt it.
Last night I stayed out in the city till' very late and got tipsy, woke up at 9 at a friend's house in the city and went straight to my football club's fundraiser/"Player's Day", where anyone can come for an entry fee, have unlimited alcoholic drinks and watch some dancers, otherwise known as strippers. I didn't want to go and would of rather just stayed home and start the Mages Guild questline in Oblivion, but God knows I've had my balls busted way too many times for choosing to stay home than go out when invited. And I'd never hear the end of it.
It started at 10:30am, went to 4pm, when all us drunk, rowdy and somewhat horny boys went down to the local pub and continued to party, break glasses and shout SKULL SKULL SKULL everytime someone was caught with a full glass in their hand. Now a lot of these boys work full time and Sunday is the only day free for them, and seeing them really enjoy themselves with a huge group of friends who've known each other for years is good to see, albeit it drunk. You just get the feeling if we had a punch up within our group, we'd just laugh about it at Tuesday night's training, we're that tight.
I've just returned at about 9:30pm from the marathon drinking session, and upon waking from my slumber in the back seat of my car and seeing the so white, so bright lights of my house, my head started absolutely pounding. For the first time ever, I understood how loud noises amplifies a headache and was walking around like Bernard Black looking for some 'fizzy make you feel good'.

I was/am still incredibly dehydrated and tired from what would otherwise be my 'recovery day' after a game of football. And that was my pre-emptive hangover, although I'd say the nap in the car made the headache much worse. And for those who suffer from the normal hangover the morning after, HA! In your faces.
My next post will detail the social heirarchy I live in, related to this post.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Confidence

I went to a short Philosophy of Film exam today, I passed well enough.
Anyways, the exam started at 2:10 and I was walking into the building and room at 2 after some last minute revision at the Uni cafe. And I was tailing a bloke I see in Uni to the room, we didn't talk. Got into the small room and almost all the seats were full, only snug spots between other people were left. I don't really talk to any of them at all, probably just the usual nod now and then at lectures.
I went to jovially fit myself between two people, the guy on the right someone I respect, just because he's not full of himself, and the girl on the left being someone who I've concluded has so little confidence in herself that she's turned it into a...sort of...absolute distrust in everyone else. The way she walks in front of other people and her facial expression, many would see her shyness and her basically, probably 'envy' of everyone else for having so much confidence. Now, she's not overweight, not "ugly", no facial tumor, no nothing yet why the lack of confidence?
Anyways, lets just say that she uncomfortably fidgeted and avoided eye contact at all costs when I slotted myself in between them.

Meanwhile the guy I was tailing had some sort of problem and was told to wait by the tutor while she handed out our exam papers. Now this guy has always been shy as well, always had his head down and shoulders slouched everytime he came to lectures late to sit off to the far side by himself. Always looked like he was in a hurry when he walked, probably to avoid social contact.
Now his stance while he stood by the door was something to note. I've always had an extremely good eye for people's eye movement, facial expressions and entire body stance to the point where I can tell what people think of me within seconds. The eyes are my favourite. And I'm good at controlling my body, for example when I need to lie. To the point where I've thought about studying human behaviour at Uni but ultimately don't have the commitment.
His stance consisted of him with a half-hearted back to the door frame facing the open side of the room, with the class facing forwards. Head hung low, with his right hand in front of his waist, moving it around to pretend he was occupied. I would have to have another look to detail it more. The point is, he couldn't do the exam for some reason, he became an outlier, an outcast to the rest of the class who was watching him wondering what was going on. His head was definitely down hoping no one was staring at him.
I felt so sorry for him, absolutely no confidence, no friends at Uni, and here he was being watched by the whole class cos' we had nothing better to do.
Eventually, the tutor said he would have to come back tomorrow to do the exam and he walked off, probably hating the world that much more. He was as normal looking as they come as well, no acne, no nothing etc.

WHY? Why do people lack such self confidence? I thought I was bad, but I'm the 'centre of the party' compared to them. Now I can imagine the aforementioned girl having friends outside Uni (maybe she's just moved to Adelaide?) but I doubt very much that that guy has any genuine friends. When ever I embarrass myself or get into stupid situations, I've always got a group of people I can talk to and laugh about the situation with, but when you have no one, it must be absolutely terrible. I think it was Hank Rearden in Atlas Shrugged that said something like 'The most deprived man is the one without a goal'. Screw that, swith 'a goal' with 'friends'.

So what to do? Know anyone that fits these two descriptions? Work? School? Uni? Throw em' a smile now and then, a 'hi', let them know they're alive, that we're all made of the same dust and atoms. And soften your eyes. Be genuine.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Hetero Metro

I haven't been out to town for a while. By that I mean going out and having drinks and a biggish night on a Friday/Saturday night etc. And I was glad I went out last night, being dragged by a good friend.
Now I wore a plain white long sleeve shirt with fake buttons at the collar that had a small cut into the chest so that some of my chest hair was showing :D. Suffice to say that I've gotten into good shape of late and put on a lot of muscle mass in my upper body so it looked really good on me. I feared that it was too good and I asked my friend if I was dressing too metrosexual. He and I are really aware of this phenomenon and after a laughable 2 minutes standing in the car park, I decided it was just a $14 dollar white shirt, and we went on our way to meet a group of friends.

An hour passed, and after compliments about my shape and a few beers, the pub/club started to fill up and some more friends of ours showed up. That was the point where all my fears of me being too metrosexual disappeared. Two friends of ours were wearing cardigans over their tees, tight jeans and ridiculously overpriced leather shoes. And were constantly attending to their hair every 2 minutes. Apparantly the ratio of exposed forehead to non-exposed forehead had to be tended to by using two hands to simultaneously spike the top hair and fringe the front hair.
Now I've known these boys for a long time since high school, we're all tough, we play footy, but why was it that I couldn't stop thinking of them as girls? Like...seriously, is this what it's come to now? Granted I'm very late on noting on this but, is this what girls these days are attracted to? Feminine, not just feminine but ridiculously feminine guys?

This trend was seen often throughout the night as i saw cardigan after cardigan. If they were actually fashionable and not just part of the/a trend, i'd be fine with it. But they're not.
Too.
Far.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"Hi I play guitar, can I buy you a drink?"

Start Rant;
What is it with young bands and people these days that seem to be so 'cool', so 'wow', so 'musical'? There are way too many idiots that pick up a guitar, yell out some barely in tune vocals, set up a MySpace profile, randomly add anyone, get so much attention and have people saying that they're great.
This is a fucking stab at all you 'musicians' who have no talent and call yourself a 'singer/songwriter' for the status. I have a friend who fits this particular description and everytime he shows me a new song, it's the same four chords badly played but in a different rotation from the last song he showed me. The lyrics are terrible, the singing horrible. Yet he gets called great!
I must digress, the musician inside of me is at the forefront of this anger. Maybe it's because I listen to so much alternative music, maybe it's because I listen to instruments/lyrics/melodies in a song, maybe it's because I actually know how to restring my guitar (some devoted 'guitarists' don't know how to), maybe it's because I work so hard on my music before even letting anyone else hear it, maybe it's because I don't walk around with my cock out saying "Hey look at me I sing and play guitar". Honestly, there must be some other aspect of life that you excel at, please, for crying out loud, just leave music to us.
We true experienced don't walk around telling people that we play guitar/sing/make songs because that's way too fucking obnoxious. When questioned, we may remark that we do, because if you're song sucks (it pretty much does), you just look that much more of an idiot to those who aren't wooed by lame songs.
Even just saying that you're in a band is a bit stupid because the usual connotation of being in a band isn't hard to detail. "You're in a band? You're so cool". Yep, that's pretty much what they want to hear, and what they actually hear.

Really, there's a difference between people who are in it for the music, and others that are in it for the status. Usually, you can tell in a heartbeat. 'For the music' is hard to exactly detail but if you don't go around telling girls you're so great, you're usually in it 'for the music'. I feel as though myself and others are being slapped in the face everytime some punk who just learnt guitar gets credit for being a musician. Girls included! Some of the worst offenders I've seen have been girls who use their looks to get attention. Perv now, judge the music later.

The lesson? Next time you hear someone say they're a 'singer/songwriter' (and especially if their clothes are way too fashionable or 'hip'), be doubtful, be extremely doubtful. The ones who don't say that are the future of music.
End Rant.

Friday, June 12, 2009

And I'm pretty much an idiot...

So a few weeks ago, I built up the courage to ask a girl out who works a few shops down from me in a mall/centre. She's the shy type (some overestimate themselves, she underestimates herself), incredibly attractive without the need to try to be and a few years older than me (the age is more attractive than the other two...I think). She has a habit of blowing the hair out of her eyes and thinking that no one notices, which I notice and adore.

But in short, she let me down nicely (she had plans, awww) and I like to think we could be good friends at least. I don't talk to her much, mainly because I'm incredibly shy around girls I may have feelings for.

Anyways, as I was shopping at the local supermarket kilometres and kilometres away from work (yes, I drive a lot) after a long day at work, who do I see but HER walk past me in that supermarket. Now she didn't see me cos' she was looking at the shelves, and I .....stupidly didn't say hi. Once the amazement that she was actually at the supermarket that I live down the road from and the whole 'omg that's her' dealio cooled down, I realised how stupid I was for not initiating conversation. It seems my whole life is based on 'should I shouldn't I' moments. And not being able to approach her and just saying 'hi!' just makes it worse. The mere fact of discovering that she lived in the same area that I do should've made it that much more easier.

Arghhh, and then I couldn't find her. I lost her between the veggie and dairy section. Damn veggies. Why why why Crispy. I could've been 'that guy who's confident enough to talk to me and throw me a smile even though I rejected him', but I'm just 'that guy who tried to ask me out weeks ago'.

I don't want to blow smoke up my butt (is that in the right context?) but I am fantastic when talking to girls, girls that I know I don't have a hell's chance of being with in a relationship. Some of my best friends are some of my best mate's girlfriends who I can chat to for ages about....crap (the basis of any good conversation). I don't lack self confidence, I've talked in front of hundreds of people at youth conferences, my part time job entails me to be vibrant and energetic to customers, I push around and give lip to blokes twice my age (and my weight) in football, I make and produce music for crying out loud. But when I meet someone I'm interested in, suddenly I have Social Anxiety Disorder and I'm reduced to a small, scared child. Which makes me come across as a complete weirdo. Gah!..women...

Yes I know, life is short and moments like these are but small, small, small, insignificant events. And that I should take life by the reigns and own it blah blah. You don't need to tell me.

...Oh snap, I forgot to buy Lipton tea, what else could go wrong!?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Romance of Facebook

So I got this close friend, who loves his girlfriend. Now 'love' can be debated here, cos' it's his first girlfriend (he has a mild social anxiety thing going on when around girls), she's 18, and he 20. When he says 'love', I always hear it as 'excitement'. Cos' I honestly believe that he's just so excited about having a girl like him back that he'll say he loves her, he'll let her buy a dress with no monetary limit, he'll tell B and I that they are actually engaged after 3 months of going out, but shhh, it's a secret.
In my mind, no ring, no celebration, no letting any parents know of it; means no actual engagement buddy. It's not existent, no matter how emotional you get when you talk about it.
Now these two use facebook to always tell each other, and the world, that they love each other. And to me, so much use of the word 'love' strips the word of the actual meaning. Like, isn't saying 'I love you' the pinnacle of a relationship? Something that one doesn't take for granted? Call me old fashioned but you don't say 'I love you' just because the both of you like each other very much.

So what's your point Crispy? I don't think they're mature enough to be throwing the L word around. Now I'm only 20, going on 21 soon, but I've had to mature way before my time through a series of past events and circumstances, and I sure as hell won't say 'I love you' three months into a relationship, in front of all my facebook friends..., upwards of 5 times a day. YES! The advent of facebook on mobile phones makes it even easier for them to do it.

Now I think He is being used by her as a sort of, trophy boyfriend. Because when she's with him, in the same room, she'll still log onto Stalkbook and say 'I love you (name)!'. Then she'll have a back and forth comment convo with her girlfriends about how much she actually loves him. And this doesn't phase Him at all, why would it? He's finally got a girlfriend, she 'loves' him, case closed in his opinion.
Now to take this to a higher level. When they're together, her feelings for him and what they do together is not nearly as important as the post she's going to make on facebook about it. Think about it, how many times have you been with someone you love, and you've been looking at messages on your phone, or calling other people, or, making a Facebook 'I love you' post to the person sitting right next to you. (Final example may not apply to most people) Don't be a dick (pardon the language) and ignore the person you love to check your tweeter or whatever it's called. Screw Social networking sites I say, screw the person you supposedly love for crying out loud! Put your phone on silent/in the bin and enjoy the time you've got with them. And DON'T use 'love' so much, you're ruining it for the rest of us.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Fargo

Watched Fargo today. Going through a phase here where I'm discovering my love for cinema again. And the Coen brothers are the catalyst. I've always heard of Fargo, but never got around to watching it because I didn't think I'd enjoy it. It was time.
I enjoyed watching McDormand's role here in contrast to the 'crazy' Linda in Burn After Reading. And omg, she isn't the same lady from Desperate Housewives! Wow, I was so convinced.
I really, really enjoyed Marge's (McDormand) and Norm's marriage in the movie. The type of relationship they have is pretty much set in the first scene we see them in, with Marge smiling to herself when Norm offers to get out of bed early to 'fix her some eggs'. The conversation between them is by no means exciting at all for us, but it's everything for them and there's something appreciable in that. Watching them really makes you appreciate just 'being with' someone you love.

The characters' use of 'Oh yah?' and 'Yah' is going to make it into my daily speech from now on. I laughed listening to this movie, the execution of the 'yahs' are just superb. I just hope I can pull off the same pronounciation.
Overall, I can't say that the movie is x/5 stars off the bat. I don't like to rate movies as such either as well. I'll just say that it's like a car crash happening in slow motion, you sort of know what's going to happen and you don't mind taking a ride with the characters as everything goes wrong. (Bad analogy is bad mmmkay) It's a good movie.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Popcorn

Well my computer got sick and got a full wipe. Feels good to start fresh. Went without it for awhile so I did some things that the computer would have otherwise prevented.
Watched 'No Country for Old Men', followed by 'Burn After Reading'. I've been a fan of theirs for only a short while now, after studying 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?'. The Coen brothers have drawn me in like no other producer/writer/director have. I feel I notice what's in the frame more carefully, the movement of the camera and especially the dialogue when watching their movies.
I'm still mentally digesting 'No Country for Old Men' so I won't speak about it just yet, maybe after another viewing. I have something to say about 'Burn After Reading' though. Much like other Coen films, I can't outrightly say how good it is, I definitely love it, I just can't exactly explain why.
Brad Pitt...wow...wow. It's like he's taken a risk in playing the character but he's played it so believably, and all I saw was an extravagant teen boy in Brad Pitt. The 'dehydration' dialogue in Linda's (McDormand) apartment is pure gold in my opinion, much like many other of the Coen's dialogue creations. Like an undercurrent to the pressing issue at hand, all Chad (Pitt) is concerned about is being re hydrated from his bike ride. I love it. Also, the scene when Chad meets Osbourne in his car is hilarious.
I would have liked to have seen the relationship between Linda and her gym manager evolve further than it did, but in the Coen brothers, I place my trust.

In other news, finally got around to play Little Big Planet. Love the game.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A table for 6 please, oh and +1

Went to a posh pub dinner with a few close friends last night to celebrate one of my best friends upcoming birthdays. The food was good, the alcohol was flowing a little and the girls of Mawsons Lakes were out to strut their stuff. Always in groups of threes they were, why three? Two is too small and four is too large? /Shrug.
Anyways, B, the best friend and his girlfriend J, are the main components of this group along with a cast of friends whenever we go out for a dinner. And somehow our group ALWAYS remains to be the last to leave the restaurant/pub long after dinner and accusations of pink chicken in my meal. And I wouldn't have it any other way, there's always something to talk about with these guys and there's absolutely no awkward silences ever, EVER, which is beyond awesome. I've known them for so long, they're my family. Especially B and J. We all read each other like a book.
Ever since high school, the friendship groups have been wittled down. Some go away to work, some profess to wanting to catch up but only out of politeness, some go to YR 12 house parties long after graduation and some stay good, genuine friends. Of all the arguments and disagreements, B and J are definitely in the last group.
Bless their hearts, they're always eagerly awaiting news of a new girlfriend of mine. It's a bit awkward you see, when you're the only single one in the group, and EVERYBODY feels sorry for you. And they tell you this, in front of EVERYBODY. And B and J are always trying to show me the light to try and get over a past love. No thanks, I'll stay inside my perpetual circle of heartbreak and wasted feelings, it's cold out you see.

On a similar note, a lady friend co-worker is trying to (with my consent) set me up with her friend. Now, maybe it was the fumes of everyone's body cologne at work affecting my thinking but I now think it's a very stupid idea. I maintain that I'll start any relationship of mine by myself the 'man likes woman, man approaches woman, man cries tears of happiness or sadness' way. But for some reason I said 'Sure, why not?'. My confidence meter on this one is 'We'll have to see Batman'.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

America! Oi Oi Oi!

Am currently rewriting a 2500 word workbook/essay (the faculty can't make up their mind on what to call it) for which I received 40%. It's worth 40% of the subject. Honestly, when handing the paper in, I thought I did alright. Now, I've gotten >50%'ers before in my two years at Uni and I've known why and I've accepted it. But this...this one seems a bit too... ... unfair.
Now, I talk about the films; Sicko, Supersize Me, Fahrenheit 9/11 and The Corporation as social movement films.
Going over the marked paper, I can't help but feel my tutor was intoxicated or extremely lazy when marking it. For instance, he wrote 'What is the purpose of the film?!!' next to the paragraph ABOVE the paragraph that had the sentence explaining what the purpose of the film is. And he's done it again and again on the following pages. And it turns out I wasn't the only one shocked to see my mark in my class.
But he is an American, ... what's that? Four (to an extent) anti-American films and an American tutor? Hmm. Oh I went there.
Speaking to him about the paper today, he said I can rewrite and hand it in 7 days from the day I received it back. I got it back last Thursday, HE set this meeting for us to discuss this paper for today, a Wednesday, 6 days later. Regarding the new due date for the rewritten paper;

Me: 'That would be tomorrow'.
Him: (Nods)
Me: /Sigh

So this time, I've underlined and put bright glowing stars made of glowing glowstuff around the sentences stating the purpose of the films. I'll stick some Portugese chicken there as well, just to make sure. Like...fuckin, hello. (Thankyou Arj Barker)
He told me 'nothing is a given' in the paper (I have to write the facts down basically), but he also said I can't 'summarise' the films, but I feel a bit hesitant about analysing the films but not being able to discuss how the film brings the messages to the viewers. Yes, that sentence is as stupid as it sounds.

America! Oi Oi Oi!